why I am so open about My Sex life

(For this article I will mainly be focusing on cis-gender expectations, this does not mean that if you identify as trans or non-binary you are invalid – you’re fucking awesome.)

From a young age, I was conditioned to believe that womxn have certain expectations to uphold when it comes to every part of their lives, however minuscule. Young girls shouldn’t scratch their crotch, but boys can. Girls should cross their legs to require as little room as possible, yet boys can dominate the space and take up as much room as they please. “Boys will be boys” yet girls need to do everything in their power to fulfill the patriarchy’s expectations.

Even now, as a non-binary person, I find many people expect so much from me. And that’s why I say ‘fuck it’ and do what makes me happy (without oppressing others). I’ve learnt to become much more open about everything in my life from my sexual experiences to my gender. I’ve learnt to not make myself smaller just to make others who are stuck in the kyriarchy’s way, happier. This does create a lot of tension between me and some family members especially because I often find I either call them out (leading to an argument because they are from a different generation & I’m from a cis-white middle class family so they haven’t experienced much oppression) or I have to be silent which I personally find really disgusting because it goes against everything I stand for. So now I’ve decided that uncomfortable arguments are much better in the long run than a lifetime of racist, ableist, xenophobic and other oppressive comments that I won’t personally endure.  I’m not friends with anyone anymore who is racist, sexist, transphobic etc. as I took it upon myself that I’d rather be alone than friends with oppressive people who didn’t want to learn. But now I have amazing friendships with so many awesome people, the best being ASC, my safe-haven.

I was first inspired to write this blog post from posting this photo on instagram (it is a picture of me with my eyes closed laying down in a white crop top and one arm up):

 

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“I haven’t been wearing a bra for months now and I cannot tell you just how amazing it feels (but also annoying because im a size D so get in the way sometimes lol – can’t wait until I have enough money actually have top surgery!) omg it felt soo good yesterday though to just dance and not even care about what people think, with my boobs jumping about lol! Also wishing my armpit hair was longer, but it’s getting there haha […]”

It inspired this blog post because I was thinking “do I say my bra size” “do I say about my boobs jumping around” and now I’m like hell yeah?! Why shouldn’t I say the truth of my experience, if people feel uncomfortable it’s their problem, not mine. For so long I’ve been ashamed to speak about my natural body, about the gritty and raw truth of my life. Now I love speaking the raw truth, none of this bullshit of having to be silenced again! This is why when at work (I work in a pub) when I hear some male colleagues talking of their sexual experiences, I join in with mine. I have an attitude about me now whenever I talk about my sex life to anyone and say how I’ve slept with over 10 people in the last year since my sexual debut (I hate saying “losing my virginity’ like wtf, I’ve gained something here you know? It all links back to the patriarchal idea that ‘womxn’ should be ‘pure’ and that we’ve ‘lost’ some kind of value.) Anyway, I have an attitude of no-shame, I am not ashamed of how many people I have slept with and how many more people I will continue to sleep with because as long as I get check-ups and stay safe all is well! I will continue to be open about my life, my sexual experiences, my bra size, whatever! Because it’s important these discussions need to become normalised so more non-binary people and womxn don’t feel ashamed too. However, it is also important to remember that not everyone is empowered by openness. Some may choose to keep some information private and that is completely valid, no one is less of a non-binary person or womxn if they choose to shave, wear a bra and not talk about their sex life.

So my solidarity is to those who are open, those who want to be but feel too scared, and those who choose to not be open. You are all inspiring, amazing, and together we will smash the kyriarchy!

~ Casey

 

London Pride 2016

by aga

We hope you had a marvellous Pride weekend and took the time to celebrate your beautiful selves! We wish you a happy and safe year with nothing but love and happiness!

We want you to know that we are here for you and we are trying our best to fight this horribly violent system until we all feel that we can be ourselves everywhere we go.

At London Pride, our very own Lex marched with the Migrant and Anti-Racist Bloc organised by the Movement for Justice By Any Means Necessary & Lesbians and Gays Support the Migrants. They got interviewed by Paolo Zeriali, explaining why it is important to fight all oppression. Watch the video below to hear Lex speak or read the transcript below the youtube video.

TW: Lex briefly mentions hateful violence towards them.

 

[Interview Transcript:

Interviewer: We are in London pride with Lex right here with “destroy transphobia, fight kyriarchy and smash borders”. Let’s try to explain what do all these slogans mean.

Lex: So, as a trans individual I feel that there is so much transphobia and people, like, always misgender me, I was physically attacked last year just for being trans. So I want to destroy transphobia, so every person would be able to live as they are despite whatever gender they are or lack of gender. Kyriarchy is kinda like patriarchy just connecting all oppressions. So it is a fight against racism, transphobia, homophobia, patriarchy and all those. They go into kind of oppression kyriarchy all connected. And I’d like to smash borders so we would live in a place where people can move freely and that wouldn’t depend on if you have papers, what kind of country you are from, because no one choose where to be born, but you should be free to choose where to live.

Interviewer: So your struggle is dealing with multiple oppressions?

Lex: yeah as we don’t live in single issue world, meaning as a queer person I can face oppression as a queer person, but also I am an immigrant, so I face xenophobia and as trans individual I face transphobia. And I cannot separate which issue is affecting me the same like another person cannot say which oppression and how you… So you cannot fight just one oppression, you should realise that they all are connected. Also a disabled person I face ableism. So I think it is important to fight all oppressions and realise how they all are connected.]

~aga

A Message to Milda, in anger and solidarity.

Content Warning: Violence Against Trans People.

Yesterday evening we read some of the most concerning words you can read in a dear friends facebook status:

“It was already difficult to leave the house and step out to the world where everyone felt the need to tell me that I am not valid. Where everyone knew better how I should look, feel or be. Where at every step I was reminded ‘there is no place for me in today’s society’. Gender dysphoria didn’t helped either. So it took enormous amount of energy to get mentally ready even to get out of the bed.
But at least I was not scared of the physical violence. I could just put on sunglasses, so people couldn’t look into my eyes, wear headphones, so I couldn’t hear them and pretend that all of this did not matter. But now it changed…

So thank you world for nothing.
Well actually thank you for telling me that wearing a trans badge on my jacket & having a queer patch on my bag equals to the request to physically assault me. but hey, now I have some stitches on my forehead. it could be much worse, let’s stay positive. I could have broken arm or have lost my sigh. Or have a collapsed lung (oh wait, I already had that and now I even can’t wear my binder anymore..: /). But thank you for the irrational fear that now when someone will ask me if I am trans my first thought won’t be that they are just another cool queer person who wants to talk about gender and we could relate to each other, but rather that they hate me. and society says ‘stay positive’…”

These are words Milda wrote in their facebook status a day after being violently attacked in London. This is something that left all of us speechless, deeply saddened and angry.

It also is something that happens every day to trans people all over the world and it needs to stop. We can’t offer any words or actions that could be comforting to you, Milda and everybody else who has to live with this fear of violence. We can only offer our solidarity and condemn these attacks as the hate crimes they are.

Our hearts go out to you, Milda. We are glad you are now safe in your home, but we know it is a huge step to ever leave the safety of your home again. If we could, we would all gather around you and form a protective bubble so nobody could ever touch you. We hope you will recover swiftly and gain some energy, because you are so badass and amazing and we hate seeing you in pain. Stay proud.

Your anti-speciesist gang.